Catching Up
It has been months-- maybe even a year-- since I have written as a Banter-bassador. I love Body Banter; it has harbored some of my most profound revelations. I’m so excited to be returning to the Banter Blog platform. Since writing last, I have grown stronger in my recovery in many ways. I’ve also learned a lot about myself, and I’d like to share some of it here. Let’s catch up!
If you’re new to my column, hello! My name is Isabella. I’m a sophomore in college at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, North Carolina in the United States. I am an English major with a Creative Writing minor. I joined Body Banter in 2018 as a co-leader of a Conversation Community at the North Carolina School of Science and Mathematics. Body Banter has been a part of my life for many years now, and I’m proud to call it a passion project of mine. I’m so thrilled to be a Banter-bassador!
I developed an eating disorder when I was in middle school, and sought treatment during my first year of high school. Recovery hasn’t looked perfect for me (nor does it for anyone), and I relapsed and went back to treatment during my senior year of high school. I am very fortunate to have had the opportunities I’ve had to seek professional help! Since high school my recovery has strengthened tenfold. I spent a lot of time on recovery, working to destigmatize the world of mental health and illness.
This past March, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type II. I have been treated for depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder for years now, but learning that I have bipolar disorder caught me by surprise. I have a number of other lifelong diagnoses-- two autoimmune disorders-- and I honestly figured that mental health was something I’d deal with for the rest of my life. Still, being diagnosed as bipolar was both enlightening in that there was finally something to describe what I’d been struggling with, and disheartening in that it was just something else to deal with. At the same time, I am taking the diagnosis in stride and working to learn how to cope most effectively with my struggles.
I’m proud to say that I have never been stronger in recovery from my eating disorder. I have struggled with myself for many years now, and the hard work I’ve put in is finally paying off. I am able to enjoy life, enjoy food, and have a generally healthy relationship with my body. I am getting to know my body for the first time in my life-- it is a beautiful thing to be slowly but surely repairing that relationship.
I identify as a fat woman, using that term to describe my body in lieu of terms like ‘larger-bodied,’ ‘plus-sized,’ or ‘big-boned.’ Fat is not a bad word, and I’m a huge advocate of that notion. I’m proud to have worked so hard to repair my relationship with my body; I will not apologize for taking up space like I have been asked to many times.
One thing I’ve learned over the past few months is that there is no such thing as gentle change when it comes to activism. Throughout my time with Body Banter, I have tried to be gentle and, at times, passive-- it is easier than being radical. However, radical change is what is needed to make real and lasting change. I am proud to call Body Banter a safe space for change, for radical acceptance and love. Body Banter is a place that encourages people to be unapologetically and curiously themselves, and I believe that is tightly knit with having hard conversations. Over the next year of my Banter-bassadorship, I will be writing a lot about activism, particularly in relation to anti-fat bias, intersectionality, and the stigmatization of mental illness, and sometimes it will be uncomfortable. Still, that’s why Body Banter was founded-- to have these hard, yet incredibly important conversations. I wish to stay true to that. Bring on the banter!