Dealing with downwards spirals
Today’s post is about understanding.
When I first embarked on my body positivity journey, I strived to instill in myself ideals of self-worth, to find ways to turn myself back in an upward spiral when I started moving downwards. On my best days, I was able to deliver pep talks to others who were struggling. Many times, I heard these people say back to me, “I know, but I can’t.” And during these times, I empathized, but I never understood. I always assumed that understanding body positive and self-worth principles would allow anyone to effortlessly pull themselves out of any hole.
I was wrong.
Just a few days ago, I became triggered by a dieting conversation. It was hard for me to admit that I had been triggered by it, because I thought that I was so over that, but this conversation really hit me where I was unable to shield myself. Instinctively, I knew what my core beliefs and long-term goals were, but in my narrowed mindset, I felt myself believing the excuses that my re-emerging disordered voice was telling me. For every time that I reminded myself of my mission statement, the disordered voice that my purpose in life was so much more than losing weight, the disordered voice lured me into believing that losing weight could help me feel happier, even if for a short period of time.
Coming out of this negative cycle, I have learned that just because I knew how to fix the problem didn’t mean I would automatically be able to carry out the necessary steps. Just because I am an avid body positivity advocate and am passionate about carrying this mission forward, doesn’t mean that I can always walk the walk. However, I did learn a few things, and would like to share how I pulled myself out of a fast-moving downwards spiral:
Action steps for downward spirals:
Acknowledge and admit it: First, you gotta own up to the fact that you are spiraling downwards. Convincing myself that I was totally fine and that I couldn’t possibly be triggered at this point in my recovery only worsened the situation and delayed my action-taking.
Confess to someone that you trust: Having someone you trust just hear you out is a great active first step. Not only does it help you organize your own thoughts to express them out loud, but it also legitimates your struggle to yourself - once I tell someone about a struggle that I have been consciously or unconsciously trying to push out of my mind, I feel that it has become a concrete entity that I can now take responsibility for solving.
Dig deep to analyze what is really bothering you/what you really want to attain: Every time I feel triggered to lose weight, I know that there is an underlying feeling of insecurity about something in my life, an empty hole I need to fill with the temporary satisfaction of losing weight. So I asked myself, why is losing weight important to me? What am I expecting to attain upon achieving this goal? I dug deep and did some journaling, and found that I wanted to show myself that I had enough self-control to stay on a restrictive diet. I wanted to prove to myself that I was capable of something difficult. Well then, I reasoned, if what I am looking for is a way to prove myself, there are many other ways to do that, without sacrificing my mental and physical wellbeing. There are healthier and happier ways of creating happiness and fulfillment that would be more sustainable too, such as putting my whole heart into my summer internship and working hard to make Body Banter blossom. Moreover, fueling my body and mind with enough food is what will allow me to be the most productive, energized, well-rounded person that I can be. to be the most energetic, purposeful and productive person that I can be.
On a final note, this post is a reminder to be empathetic and forgiving to yourself. So often we know that we know what is good for us and that we are not currently acting in our best interests, but it is still difficult to turn things around. There is no need to dwell on it and blame yourself - the key is to acknowledge it as quickly as possible, and ACT ON IT.
Ps. Lastly, if you need someone to carry out step 2 with (confession to someone else to keep you accountable in making a change), I would gladly be that person. I’m here to listen (and give you a pep talk if you will take it!) and get you kickstarted back on that upward spiral!