Stepping Off of the Treadmill
Written By Molly Monsour
How can you beat anorexia without any body fat or muscle mass? Seems pretty difficult to me. After reading “Life Without Ed” by Jenni Schaefer (11/10 would recommend), I was determined to kick anorexia to the curb, literally. To do this, however, I couldn’t keep running away from anorexia via endless treadmill miles. I began strength training and kickboxing, both of which were really scary for me at first. The weight room, which always seemed to be full of strong, confident individuals was a sanctuary for comparison, and the kickboxing class filled with muscular, intense women was intimidating. I realized that participating in these new forms of exercise would not only challenge my physical strength, but my mental strength as well. I was up for it.
I committed myself to kickboxing twice a week and started a strength training program to gain some muscle. At first this was weird. I missed running. I missed the mindless state my mind would enter while I watched the minutes tick down on the treadmill. I missed the feeling of comfort knowing I had “earned” a snack or dessert. This longing for the treadmill, however, was exactly why I had to step away.
I began to look forward to kickboxing. I loved the fast paced, ever changing atmosphere of the classes and the fun-loving personas of the instructors. Most of all, I loved the feeling of being a complete bad-ass as I punched and kicked the bag. I felt mentally and physically stronger, and especially healthier! My knees and hips didn’t ache from miles and miles of continuous running, I didn’t dread going to the gym, and I loved my new workouts. By stepping outside of my exercise safety zone, I not only became stronger, but also much happier. I also began to realize that I belonged in the weight room and my kickboxing classes. My ultimate goal was to feel more confident, empowered and comfortable in my own skin, and I knew that these goals had nothing to do with what my body looked like in comparison to others.
Exercise shouldn’t be a chore. If you’re dreading it, take a break! Learn to be in tune with your body. Find a way to love moving your body!
Interestingly, kickboxing also allowed me to enjoy myself on the days that I did decide to run. Once I gained muscle, the quality of my runs improved. Surprise, surprise - you need muscles to run. I no longer finished runs feeling dead, but rather, empowered and strong. With time, I was able to healthily train for my first half marathon. I completed this race in March and ran it faster than I ever thought I’d be able! This race meant much more to me than just a half marathon, however. My ability to run this half marathon represented my recovery, my strength, and my battle to become healthy enough to pound out those miles. So as counterintuitive as it may seem, sometimes it is stepping away from the treadmill (or your safe workout) that allows you to “run after” your goals even more effectively.
About Molly
I am a 20 year old Duke student from Tampa, FL studying Neuroscience and Psychology. I love cooking (anything with sweet potatoes) and baking! I also love running and fun exercise classes like kickboxing.
I banter because… I was diagnosed with anorexia in May 2018.
My previous summer was dictated by therapy appointments and doctors visits (quite the celebration to finishing freshman year am I right?). I was lucky enough to have a strong support system which allowed me to regain my health and return to school in the Fall.
Since returning, I’ve become hyper-aware of the frequency of disordered eating habits on campus, from skipping meals to casual discussions around topics like “calories,” “low-carb,” and “skinny”. As someone who has and continues to struggle with disordered eating, these patterns are upsetting and I feel strongly about promoting healthy attitudes.
For these reasons, I am excited to have this opportunity to change the attitude surrounding food, exercise, and body positivity on campuses.