The Curse of Comparison

Written By Molly Monsour

College is an overwhelmingly easy place to develop an eating disorder.  Without a full fridge to snack on and cook, it’s easy to make smaller, more convenient meals.  Soon, however, this money-saving technique can lead to nutrition deficits and weight loss.  For me and many others, this weight loss can become addicting and pleasurable, promoting an eating disorder.  Furthermore, no one is looking after you.  The college environment (and high school, honestly) is so beyond stressful that no one has time to worry about someone else’s eating habits.  And, finally, college is a breeding ground for self-comparison. 

Although food was a huge challenge for me throughout my anorexia, the comparison was worse.  I couldn’t walk into a room without staring at everyone’s thighs to see who had a thigh gap (weird, I know).  I’d spend hours stalking models’ instagrams and comparing my body measurements to theirs.  Every time I found an actress or “instagram model” that was almost my height, I’d obsessively try and obtain their body measurements and shape.  My search history was full of “_____ body measurements” and “______ diet” searches.  Thinking about it now is sickening.  I kept myself (moderately) sane during these times by remembering that photo-editing apps exist, and these people are probably using them.  But what about my peers?  What about all of these thin women I went to school with?  What were they doing to keep their bodies SO much better than mine?

These thoughts were so intrusive, unhealthy, and extremely uncomfortable.  Even after recovery, I frequently find myself pushing comparison thoughts out of my head.  I’m easily triggered by people “not eating breakfast”, never eating snacks, or eating a salad for lunch with literally just vegetables.  When I observe these actions I automatically start comparing.  This is DANGEROUS and a breeding ground for relapse.  In fact, I’ve had to distance myself from many individuals because of their relationships with food.  Sometimes it’s hard to tear myself away from these thoughts nagging at my brain, but I’ve found a few thought processes which help. 

First, remember that your body KNOWS what it needs. 

Before the words “calories”, “nutrition”, or “eating” even existed, people fed themselves adequately.  We are built to send hunger and fullness signals to our brains! 

Secondly, everyone’s body is different!

Metabolism is incredible!  Just because one person doesn’t eat snacks or skips meals doesn’t mean they are unhealthy, it may just mean they are truly not hungry.  Maybe their metabolism is slower, maybe they had a big lunch, maybe they snack throughout the day rather than eating lunch.  We can NOT monitor other people’s life styles or eating habits.  I guarantee you that I have WAY too much going on in your own mind to worry about what someone else is eating.  So focus on yourself and your own hunger cues! 

And lastly, just love yourself and your body. 

Respect that you have a healthy weight that your body wants to obtain.  You are beautiful inside and out and when, what, or how much you eat cannot change that.  The most valuable people in your life will not care if you weigh 15 pounds more, in fact, they probably will not even notice. 

One of my favorite quotes is:

“Don’t waste 95% of your life to weigh 5% less.” 

Keep this in mind, listen to your body cues, and love every inch of yourself.

About Molly

I am a 20 year old Duke student from Tampa, FL studying Neuroscience and Psychology.  I love cooking (anything with sweet potatoes) and baking!  I also love running and fun exercise classes like kickboxing. 

I banter because… I was diagnosed with anorexia in May 2018. 

My previous summer was dictated by therapy appointments and doctors visits (quite the celebration to finishing freshman year am I right?).  I was lucky enough to have a strong support system which allowed me to regain my health and return to school in the Fall. 

Since returning, I’ve become hyper-aware of the frequency of disordered eating habits on campus, from skipping meals to casual discussions around topics like “calories,” “low-carb,” and “skinny”.  As someone who has and continues to struggle with disordered eating, these patterns are upsetting and I feel strongly about promoting healthy attitudes. 

For these reasons, I am excited to have this opportunity to change the attitude surrounding food, exercise, and body positivity on campuses.