My Turning Point: A Mind-Body Thing
Written By Natalie Lui
At the end of Summer 2018, I decided I would “be the best version of myself and reach my full potential”. Those were the exact words I wrote down as a reminder to myself, in case I ever needed them to guide me back to the feelings of hopefulness and determination. I had just made the mental commitment to prioritize my long-term health and well-being, and I couldn’t risk losing that state of mind.
My decision to commit wasn’t really a gradual transition, it was more of an instant resolution to stop my negative body image from causing any more damage.
I needed to hit my lowest point in order to realize that my body image was having a detrimental effect on all areas of my life. I previously thought the size and shape of my body would have effects limited to physical appearance and health, but when my body image was at its worst, so many other aspects of my life were impacted too.
Ever since I was 13, I constantly felt anxious about being perceived as fat by others. But I was especially anxious when I was back home over the summer after the first year of college. Not only was Hong Kong’s societal standards of an “appropriate” body size much more strict than Canada’s, my family and friends also remembered what I looked like before I gained the dreaded Freshman 15 and could have made an easy comparison.
So, I dreaded every social event I was obligated to attend. What were supposed to be enjoyable opportunities to catch up with high school friends or old family friends turned into stressful, dreadful affairs. I tried to look as slim as possible by trying on five different outfits to find the one I looked best in and contouring my cheeks to make my face look less chubby. (Of course, this all failed whenever a family friend casually commented on how much weight I gained.) I wanted to draw as little attention to myself as I could, and that meant being unwilling to speak among a group of people as I didn’t want them look at me and my body. I turned down invitations to social events that were not as obligatory because I didn’t want to have to experience all the stress and also because I wanted as few people to see me as possible.
This period of low self-esteem not only affected my social life but my academic and professional lives as well. I was unwilling to contribute to class discussions or speak up in meetings during my summer internship for the same reasons, effectively limiting my growth and performance.
Although I struggled with negative body image for years, I didn’t see exactly how costly it was until that summer. It was taking a toll on all areas of my life. So I thought, this. needs. to. stop. The rational yet optimistic part of me needed to step in and intervene, and it did.
I decided to stop selling myself short and to invest in my health and well-being.
No to diets that only worked temporarily. Yes to a lifetime commitment to a healthy lifestyle and mindset.
And yes, yes, yes to being the best version of myself.
About Natalie
Natalie is Body Banter’s Program Director and she contributes to Strands of Our Stories from time to time with short articles that explore her personal experiences, lessons learned, and thought processes throughout her own journey towards self-growth, self-empowerment, body acceptance, and emotional resilience.